February 27, 2009


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Larry is going to call this post completely self-serving because I am a Tar Heel alum, but read the article for yourself… I’m not the only one who hates Duke. America hates Duke. HBO even did a series on the greatest rivalry in college basketball: UNC  v. Duke. Plus, this chart uses the word douchenozzle, and I think that’s just great:

-    Kate
 (thanks Hillary!)


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I grew up in Kansas and went to Maryland. I hate Duke with such an intense passion it is hard to describe. Thank you for this chart, it will make March more fun.

(kinda like how the dookies lost yesterday!)


You're right, Kate - totally self-serving. But, I'll give you a break since the rest of your blog posts this week were actually quite good. And, the chart actually made me think that I, too, may not like Duke all that much. The guys on the top half of the chart all represent those guys I used to despise in high school and college.

The "This is Why Duke Sucks" video on youtube has over 1,590,480 views...and that's not even counting the "censored for work" version. Clearly, America hates Duke.

If that isn't enough proof that America hates Duke, then there's always this, the profile of a typical Duke fan/family:

"The Speedo not only helped us win the game that day, it helped me win the heart of my wife."


How sweet. He married his brother's girlfriend. I bet Thanksgiving is really awkward.

Kate, I really appreciate your chart as it has helped me to put names and categories to my feelings about Duke. However, I feel it leaves out many other aspects of my hatred for Duke,
such as the fans: http://ndn.newsweek.com/media/64/080317_DukeFans_wide-horizontal.jpg

Coach K: http://www.talkingproud.us/ImagesCulture/Coaches/CoachKB.jpg

And other miscellaneous douchenozzlery.

I would recommend that the chart be expanded to better encompass all elements of America's hatred for Duke.

Of course almost everyone hates Duke. If you want to understand, look up Charles Kuralt's comments. Too long, but not too beautiful to write here. Duke is commonly referred to as the University of New Jersey. With good reason. Apparently the smart (?) medical waste washes up at Duke instead of on NJ beaches. Why to you think Roy Williams dropped Kansas like a bad habit when given the chance to return to "blue heaven"?


First, let me commend you for taking the lead and confirming that a chart mapping America's hatred of Duke is in fact relevant to and appreciated by residents living outside of Chapel Hill, NC. When I first came across this chart, I feared that it might not have a place on a Denver blog. But then I thought of JJ Redick, of Jon Scheyer... and WOJO, ugh WOJO! No matter your geographic location, we all know a douchenozzle when we see one. And a schematic that demonstrates our hatred of Duke with an infernal passion undying...brilliant.

I very much enjoyed this helpful chart to map my hatred of Duke. I have often thought that my dislike of Duke was so great I couldn't put it into words, and this quadrant analysis took care of that problem for me!
I do take issue with a few placements on the chart. For instance, I think that Scheyer's facial expressions alone merit him a place in the "high douchenozzelry" side. I also want to note that JJ Redick deserves to be hated for the tattoo he got with his grandmother alone. (See http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/news_local_namesblog/2006/07/redicks_godly_t.html).

Whether this chart fills you with glee, or your parents failed to raise you to be a good person and despise Duke (yes, the two go hand and hand) you have to admit the UNC-Duke rivalry is the greatest in College Basketball. This is in no small part due to America's innate hatred of Duke (and, on a positive note, their love of Carolina).

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