You read right. With all the
fuss over media numbers like CNN viewership dropping 40%, and Facebook gaining
60% market share in social media, there is a little known fact that is keeping
below the radar of all media. Typewriter sales are expected to quadruple in
growth in 2010.
How did all this get
started? This cub reporter had his first clue a few years ago while attending
the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Over one hundred thousand attendees
walking the through the thousands of booths including football sized booths
from Microsoft, Apple, Sony, Google, etc.
One tiny 10 x 10 booth in
the back corner caught my eye while grabbing a quick bite at the food vendors.
The booth was a nice dark blue color with the letters IBM on the small 1’ x 2’
sign. In the booth were several typewriters!
I stopped by and introduced
myself to the two gentlemen there. “Typewriters?” I asked with surprise. “Yes”,
they said. It turns out they are both from a stealth marketing team deep in the
bowels of IBMs basement where top secret products are thought of and developed.
“Our idea came from the fact
that nobody likes change. I mean nobody.” They went on to talk about how so
many people are still feeling pain from having to switch from their favorite
typewriter to a Personal Computer in the 1980s. “We even did several focus
groups that proves our point that it’s hard to change.” During my reporting I
was able to acquire never seen before video of the focus
group that shows just how hard the change is.
Bill Jobs, Director of New
Business that was once Old Business, said this year they are ready to roll out
their marketing campaign. Since I work at an agency I was of course intrigued
with what they would do. Bill said they have already started a seed campaign
giving electric typewriters to “Secretaries”. I told him I believe he means Office
Managers and Executive Assistants. He looked puzzled.
Then the big push comes when
they start their “I’m a Typewriter” TV ad campaign. I asked whom they would
hire to play the “typewriter”. “That’s top secret!” Bill said. But as I left the office I saw Ed Begley Jr. sitting
in the lobby. Coincidence? I think not!
His partner at the booth,
Steve Gates, VP of In Flight Development, has a fun job researching products
for air travel. “The beauty of a stand alone typewriter is you need no
electricity. So those long flights can once again become very productive. We
are seeing some issues in the window seat. Currently carriage returns have
right hand hitting the window and then knocking over the middle seats drinks.
But every product has bugs when it ships and we are working on it.
Lastly I was able to speak
to the Chairman of their Board, Al Gore. Yes, that Al Gore! I asked if he was concerned
about the carbon footprint of producing new typewriters. “Well” he said in his
drawl Tennessee accent. “When I invented the Internet years ago I thought about
the future of the typewriter and knew even then that all this Internet stuff would
be just a fad, especially social media. Even Miley Cyrus is giving up her twitter
account. The beauty of this is we have a warehouse in New Mexico with millions
of these things in storage”.
I asked about the paperless
office. “Paperless Schmaperless” he said. “People usually print out their
emails and reports anyway. So no, I don’t worry about carbon footprint. I am
having a bit of a problem with carbon fingerprints however. Getting those
carbon sheets in between the paper before I type is a little challenging. But I
am always up for challenge.”
At last this cub reporter
had to ask the all-important question. “What are your sales then from all this
activity?” “Well”, he said again slowly “we sold one last year and if our
projections are correct we will quadruple sales with 4 this year.
“Oh”. I said. “Amazing”.
With that I called up my
stockbroker on my rotary dial phone and bought stock in white out.
Happy April Fools day.
John
